How postpartum slapped me across my face and stopped me dead in her tracks.

the road to getting pregnant was no easy feat for john and i.  pregnancy, on the other hand, was not too shabby.  and the labor part, well...dare i say "easy"...yes i shall.  in a very, very, very, stark comparison, the postpartum period was a whole different story.  ella is now almost 3 months old, and i'm feeling much more confident and relaxed about things.  the haze and fog is slowly lifting up thanks to the fact that gabriella is sleeping about 5 hours a night now.  i'm slowly reclaiming myself back and want to share with you how my postpartum experience swept me off my feet...not in a good way.

after i delivered gabriella, i think i was running on pure adrenaline for the first 3 days.  i got admitted to the hospital on tuesday night.  her birth day was on wednesday at 5:15 am and we got discharged from the hospital the next day, thursday, late in the afternoon.  it was a whirl wind.  of course everyone wanted to see her.  so, we had a ton of family come to the hospital throughout the day showering us with support and love.  luckily, my labor wasn't too bad, so i was walking around and  not in much pain.  i think john and i were up for 33 hours straight the first 2 days.

when ella was born i didn't have the overwhelming emotional feeling that i've heard and read about.  instead, i went into caregiver mode...making sure she was breathing ok, peeing, pooping, breastfeeding, making sure she was warm and safe and healthy.  i guess you can say i was very task oriented those first few days.  it wasn't until a few days later when i got home and was finally able to have some quiet alone time with my baby is when i was able to finally feel connected to her.  is that weird?  is that normal?  i'm not sure, but that's how i felt.

another thing that took me by surprise was that when i left the hospital, i looked 6 months pregnant but i wasn't swollen...yet.  i had thought i missed that bullet of labor, but then i began to get swollen on the fourth day following our hospital discharge.  john said that i looked like i had a severe allergic reaction to a bee sting.  my hole body...from cankles to sausage fingers...and my face!  my lips, cheeks, and eye lids were unrecognizable.  i wish i took a picture.  no,  actually...i'd rather forget all about those first few days.  it actually took 2, almost 3 weeks for the swelling to subside.

now don't even get me started on the emotional roller coaster i was on those first few weeks.  poor john.  i was feeling very disconnected, sad, angry, ugly.  i would say i was feeling every kind of feeling, except happiness.  i think i was even jealous that everyone, especially john, seemed to be over flowing with love for ella and i was not.  they don't call it postpartum blues for nothing.  one tip for fathers:  support the woman that gives birth to your child.  whether it is showering her with love, kindness, attention, or giving her space.  whatever she needs, especially those first few weeks after birth...DO IT.  trust me, just DO IT.

another unexpected thing that happened to me was that my hands started to hurt.  i mean, they really started to hurt to the point where i was freaking out about it because it was almost debilitating.  i learned that carpal tunnel syndrome is common after labor.  it's getting better now, almost 3 months later,  but my hands still hurt/tingle/feel numb at times.

these things, on top of severe sleep deprivation, cracked and bleeding nipples, learning how to breast feed, dealing with stitches in places where there shouldn't be stitches, and worrying to death that you are doing what is right for your new baby is very overwhelming.

but, it does get better.  seriously, it really does!  i'm feeling really good now and my love for my baby seems to grow everyday.  with every smile and coo she shows me, my heart just melts.  she's the best thing that has ever happened to john and i.  life is so much better now that she is in it.  i feel so honored to be gabriella's mama and i thank God everyday for blessing us with a beautiful baby girl.

in conclusion, despite my horrible postpartum experience, i wouldn't change a thing because in the end, i got my wish...i became a mom to the most perfect and beautiful baby girl.

PS
i wanted to share with you a little bit about my postpartum experience.  sometimes people don't want to talk about the "ugly" stuff.  and sometimes when you are feeling the "ugly" stuff, you can feel alone...but don't because you...no...we...are not alone.

Newborn essentials.

one word...hand-me-downs.  in my opinion, these are the best.  especially since most newborn gear is only useful for a few months.

ok then, since we got that out of the way, let's begin.

now that gabriella is almost 2 months old, i feel comfortable discussing the topic of newborn essentials.  we are renting our house right now in hopes to buy one soon, so i didn't prepare a nursery for her.  plus we wanted her to stay in our room.  this is what i found to be our newborn essentials.  i hope this helps any future mommies out there who are budget conscious and practical.

• Pack n play- we use this as our crib.  we place one beside our bed and use it as gabriella's crib and we have one in our family room.  no need to get the ones with a changer or napper.  it's a waste of money if you ask me.

• Newborn bath tub- this one is the best because of the newborn net.  it makes bathing a newborn a breeze.

• Water proof pads- i mentioned before we don't have a nursery.  so i just change gabriella on our bed.  this is essential so that pee and poop doesn't get on our sheets.
• Sleep n plays- gabriella pretty much wears a sleep n play day in and day out. 

• Short and long sleeve onesies- i prefer the white ones.  they match everything.  for newborns, the long sleeved ones that cover up their hands are perfect.  gabriella wears this, a sleep n play, and gets swaddled for bed.

• Burp cloths- forget the bibs.  gerber cloth diapers are way cheaper and work way better.  

• Nose frieda- john is the official booger sucker ;-)

• Bottles and nipples- i use the playtex drop ins.  i hate washing dishes so drop ins are perfect for me...and gabriella.

• muslin blankets- aden and anais are the perfect blankets.  they are all purpose...from swaddling to being used as a breast feeding cover up. 

• Swaddleme or halo sleep sack- i live in a cooler area of the bay so i bought the micro fleece ones.  depending on how big your newborn is, we initially used the swaddleme to swaddle her throughout the day and night.  once she grew out of it, i switched to the halo sack swaddle to keep her arms nice and snug when she sleeps.  

• Car seat

• Diapers, wipes, wash cloths, baby towels

These items aren't essential, but we found them helpful and useful.

• Breast pump- if you plan on breast feeding.  my friend gave me hers. 

• Glider with an ottoman- i found a dutalier glider and ottoman for $60 on craigslist.  i reupholstered the cushions for $110 and it was as good as new.  i realy like my glider because it not only rocks, but it can recline, and you can lock it in place.  it would be the perfect glider if it was a little wider.  i have to smoosh the sides of the boppy to fit in the chair to breast feed.  

• Boppy- i like this one because the top is soft.  i also received a waterproof cover...you never know when spilled milk can occur. 

• Rock n play- this is very convenient because it is light enough to move around your house.  we move it upstairs, downstairs, and we're even planning on bringing it with us on our roadtrip to san diego. gabriella loves it.  i bought it used for $15 on craigslist.

• Stroller - we're using the chicco key fit frame stroller because i wasn't sure which stroller i wanted to get...the city select or the uppababy.  plus it is a super light and convenient.

• Ergobaby

• Swing

Family baby shower for Gabriella 1.26.2013 (sneak peak).

a big shout out to our moms, sister, and cousin.  our baby shower blew our minds.  it was more than we could have ever asked for.  this baby girl is LOVED and BLESSED.  thank you so much!

once i get our photos from john's cousin, i'll write a proper post.  and yes, this baby shower deserves 2.

Work baby shower in honor of Gabriella.

i have the most generous and sweetest co-workers.  they threw my baby shower at cheesecake factory on MLK day.  we were having such a good time, that photos totally slipped my mind until the end of our lunch.  by the time i whipped out my camera, john, jenn, sarah, ileana and alison left already =(

i was 35 weeks here.  look how high my belly was!  gabriella decided to "drop" the very next day.

look at all of ella's gifts!

and best of all, they got me a set of cloth diapers!!

i am truly blessed.  i really can't thank all of them enough.

Guess what i'm reading.

stay tuned for my thoughts and opinions about this book.  have you read it?

ps
thanks sis your getting it for me!

Favorite exercises during pregnancy.

i have been taking boxing and kickboxing exercise classes since 2007.  let's be clear, these are fitness classes.  no sparing for me.  if i couldn't continue to go to my gym throughout my pregnancy, i'm pretty sure some form of sadness/depression would ensue.  i figured that some of you may be curious as to which exercises i did throughout my pregnancy.  but first, here is a pic of my favorite boxing/kickboxing instructor, anthony.  he's a goofball.  this picture is so wrong in so many ways.  what was he thinking trying to punch a pregnant woman! lol. 

check me out parrying his punch!  hehehe.

at 30 weeks, i'm not boxing much anymore.  i do like to go to the classes and do my own thing.  there is a certain energy level when you exercise with others that you just cannot get by exercising by yourself.  here are a few of my favorite exercises i did and am still doing to make sure i maintain some sort of muscle tone.

1. squats/lounges
2. pregnancy push ups
3. planks and side planks
4. any type of arm exercises.  i like to use 3 lb weights.

just listen to your body and don't over do it.  drink lots of water before, during, and after your workout. as long as you were active before and your doctor gives you the A-OK, exercising throughout your pregnancy is one of the best things you could do for yourself and your baby. 

and here is a much better photo of anthony and i.  this was taken today after the noon boxing class i like to go to.

In need of a holiday dress?

a a pea in the pod is having a sale on dresses.  they are offering 30% off until 12/11.  I bought this dress for full price (unfortunately) for a wedding in november.

via

i received a lot of complements when i wore the dress and it was extremely comfortable.  since it was pricey ($170), i decided to wear it for our christmas card photo as well, even though i just wanted to wear pants.  it's on sale for $90.99!  if you are pregnant and in need of a holiday or wedding dress this winter, i would recommend this dress.  i paired it with black, opaque tights and black pumps.  and here is another photo of me in the dress with my sister-in-law and john's cousins.

and here is a photo of husband and i <3

and since i have my baby shower coming up in january, i thought i would take advantage of the sale and buy a dress that i've been eyeing for awhile.  i bought this dress:

via

i've always loved paisley prints.  and i love the color purple with hints of yellow.  i'll probably add a skinny belt and wear it with boots.  the best part of the dress is the price.  with 30% off, it came out to only $41.99...score!  happy shopping!

Favorite maternity clothes.

since i am a nurse, i'm lucky to not have to buy corporate style clothes.  if you have to dress up for your job, this post may not be for you.

i have always been a tank top, jeans, and cardigan type gal.  so i had a ton of sweaters that i still use to this day.  adding a long sweater/cardigan has a slimming effect ;-)  oh so important when you're feeling large.  shall we start?

H & M
i bought several of these tanks in different colors for only $5.95 in a size large since
these aren't maternity tanks.

target
like the tank tops, i bought 3 of these long sleeve maternity tops in different colors
  for only $14.99.
since they are maternity tops, i bought a size medium.  i wear these to work,
to run errands, and to work out.  definitely a staple in my wardrobe.

old navy
love, love, love these yoga pants.  i bought 3 of these pants.
yes, i wear yoga pants that much.  these pants are comfortable and very flattering.
i bought a size small and the  length was perfect for me.  i'm 5'6''.
in my opinion, full panel is the only way to go.
and for $24.94, it's a must buy.  i think i even got it for 30% online.  

motherhood maternity
i posted about skinny jeans here.
but i especially love the black, skinny, ponte, full panel pants.
these pants are very flattering and they are not skin tight like leggings.
plus the fabric is thick which hides unsightly lumps and bumps.
fyi, unfortunately the prices have gone up on these pants and the skinny
jeans i bought.  they used to be only $29.99 =(

if you follow my blog, then you know that i'm all about my blanqi and compression stockings, so i don't have to go into detail about those items.

there you have it, my maternity wardrobe.  i don't plan on buying anything else for the remainder of this pregnancy.  what were your maternity wardrobe staples?